“”Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.“
Matthew 10:16 NKJV
It is hard to know what to expect the first time you do something with your kids. Like scheduling them for the dentist and navigating cavities, or celebrating holidays in a way that aligns with your family, even when it’s counter-cultural. Taking care of children is not a perfect process when you come to a decision point for the very first time. I’ve made a few missteps and I’m still learning to correct them.
My oldest daughter had cavities and I remember seeing them but waiting to make the dentist appointment. I was waiting for someone to tell me to make the dentist appointment to take care of my daughter‘s teeth. I waited for probably three or four months before even making the appointment During which the cavities got worse and it ended with three total dentist visits.
After her first set of cavities got filled her mouth was so numb that she chewed her lip to pieces in an afternoon. It took 3 weeks to heal and she still has a lump of scar tissue. Now, I don’t live with much mom guilt but – I blame myself for not knowing her lip was numb and buzzy as the Novocain wore off. She couldn’t feel that she was biting her lip and I didn’t realize what was happening until she started bleeding and the damage was done.
The lump of scar tissue in her lip is a reminder to trust myself and do what is right without waiting for permission to be her parent, because there are consequences when I don’t.
Taking a Stand
So I’m trying to make decisions as a mother to not let my kids do things that disagree with our family values. I know they don’t obey me all the time – I do not have perfect children – but I want them to know what it looks like to stand up for your values even when it isn’t easy.
This year, I am skipping Halloween.
Maybe that’s not a shocking thing to say, because you assume I live in a field in Montana where the closest neighbors are a half-mile away.
I don’t live in a field, though sometimes that is an aspiration of mine. I live in a starter-home-turned-way-too-expensive-to-rebuy neighborhood that goes all out for Halloween.
Halloween decorations start showing up in people’s yards in early September. There is a decorating competition with prizes. And the joy of crunching leaves is severely dampened by trying to shield my children’s eyes from all the gory things that people put in their yards.
The houses are also close together and nearly every house gives out candy or something. I live in the neighborhood that people come to for trick-or-treating.
We’ve done trick-or-treating for a couple years and aside from seeing my neighbors, it goes against our family culture so severely that we have to recover from it for the following few days.
I love fall, but Halloween ruins a lot of it.
I am forgoing trick-or-treating because I don’t approve of any of it: if my oldest has chocolate, she physically fights me, my son screams when he has food coloring, there is so much other drama when there is added sugar and corn syrup. None of us like scary things. I don’t like being out after dark with the kids when they’re so little. And I don’t love being in a crowd at the beginning of sick-season.
And seeing scary things affects how safe my kids feel, even in their dreams.
Keeping My Convictions
There’s nothing in parenthood that we don’t get to make a decision about for our children.
There is no other force saying that we have to participate in events, watch certain shows, buy certain clothes, or be with certain kinds of people that, as parents, we are not comfortable with. But since our kids say they want it, we cave and say yes, and then we have to help them process through what they just experienced. Just because they ask for something doesn’t mean it’s good for them.
I am someone who wants to protect my children’s innocence as long as I can, not that they are sheltered and unaware of the world, but that they are considered and not allowed to know beyond their age what I deem as appropriate content for their lives.
Instead of walking the streets of our neighborhood and seeing decorations that will stick in their head for days weeks or years, we are skipping it. We’re going to go to my parents house on a quiet street, having fun painting our faces, making caramel corn, and watch a Charlie Brown movie.
That will be our Halloween.
There’s no calendar date that can control you and make you do something that you don’t want to do for your kids.
I’m reminding myself of that, too.
As you head into the last two months of the year, with all the holidays and events and possible expectations, remember the power of saying no as a parent. Hold your ground for the sake of your family, your peace, and for the entire-well-being of the souls that God has entrusted you with.
If you’re skipping Halloween, too, I’d love to hear what you do instead!