“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”
Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28 NKJV
“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
John 15:2 NKJV
One side effect of perfectionism is trying to control things. On my quest to overcome perfectionism, I am learning to hold things loosely. Things like schedules, friendships, homeschooling, and even the ideal diet pattern that I know my body loves, but that just doesn’t fit realistically into my life right now.
My advice on how to hold things loosely really has come from trying to hold things tightly and not let go. If my children are any example, holding people, things, or schedules tightly, really only make them squirm and want to get away. It is when we hold things loosely and openly and allow them to come and go from our lives that we can actually enjoy what we have.
The hardest part of holding things loosely is that in the beginning you lose a lot of stuff.
I’ve lost a few friendships this year – and probably will continue to lose one every 3-6 months to keep up the cadence – not because anybody died but because the friendship drifted and died away.
From wanting different things, moving in different directions, or it just not being feasible to see each other often enough to maintain a friendship, I have lost a fair few.
In the span of a few minutes to a few months or years, the color of those relationships went from high-contrast to a dull sepia. The friends went from living on my weekly calendar to living in my memories.
While I am no stranger to grieving lost friendships, it has gotten easier over the years.
God has helped me work on my mindset in regard to letting people go. Instead of wondering and analyzing where I went wrong in the friendship to lose friends, He reminds me that I abide in Him. That He grows things – friendships, relationships, habits – for different seasons and then prunes them from me to produce a healthier branch. (It’s me. I’m the branch.)
Changing from “losing” things I loved to “pruning” my life for His plans has made all the difference in the world.
My calendar isn’t missing morning play dates; I’m being pruned to produce more consistent school days for me and my children.
I’m not hopelessly losing friends; they are being pruned and grafted somewhere else and the tree grows healthier. Even though other branches change positions, I grow more dependent on God and it is ultimately much better.
I am not failing to eat well; I’m learning to give another aspect over to the grand gardener of my life to – you guessed it – prune out restrictive eating habits and legalistic mindsets of what it is like to nourish my body with balance and grace.
I need to remember that verse saying that He prunes “every branch that bears fruit” and that it is to bear more fruit.
While I do miss the friends that have been pruned from my life, I also know that each one cut has taught me to stay my mind on God who has my best growth in His plans. I know that He will keep pruning and bearing fruit from me.
I will keep holding what He has given me with an open hand, knowing that He places them and takes them away, and both situations are for His glory and my good.