I heard a crash in the pantry and this spilled out. Sprinkles. As bad as glitter but much stickier. My brain reels: I don’t have time for this. There’s already too much to do.
The girls need lunch. Andrew is tired and needed a diaper change five minutes ago. I’m hungry and getting cranky. How did I get to this point? Do I sweep this up first? Do I take care of my kids, my house, or my own needs first?
I feel like I should know better by now than to have put sprinkles somewhere they could fall and spill all over.
Why does spilling sprinkles send me into analysis paralysis?
Am I Good Enough?
So often as moms, we can get caught up in wondering if we are good enough. Good enough teachers of our kids (whether you homeschool or not, you are teaching your kids). Good enough at cooking, cleaning, or housework. Good enough at writing (Anyone else?), or managing our families. And no matter how many times we hear on a podcast that you’re a good mom because you worry about being a good mom, it is somehow not the reassurance you were hoping it would be.
A good mom does everything perfectly, right?
I know no one says it, but we’ve all felt it: good moms are perfect moms.
Not Perfect
But no one is perfect. Not me. Not you. Not your mom, your mother-in-law, or your neighbor across the street who has perfect hair and manicured nails and whom you have never seen in sweats and a messy bun shouting for her kids to get into the van… Nope. Not even she is perfect.
I wouldn’t dare say that any one of those people is not a good mom, though. I wouldn’t say that about you, either.
But, that doesn’t help the original situation of feeling the need to be perfect to be good enough.
In my journey of “not perfect, not bad” living, I’ve stopped comparing myself to anyone, including my former self. I am only as good as I am today. Each day is its own: it has never been and it will never be again.
Life isn’t some formula that once you get it right(perfect) you can just repeat, repeat, repeat, and have a perfect life.
Having the same exact perfect day over and over again sounds pretty boring, to be honest. We would stop growing as people. Our routines would become ruts, and we may become stagnant, complacent, or inert. None of those things sound vibrant, intentional, or meaningful.
So, if perfection leads to stagnation, what is the real goal?
Enter: Forward Motion
If there’s one thing I love, it’s forward motion. With my house, mine and my children’s education, my parenting methods, and I especially love it with my mindset. A top favorite is learning new things to get my mind unstuck. They help me when I feel myself spiraling into worrying if I’m good enough.
When I’m feeling stuck because I don’t know the “perfect” next move, I have a few hacks to get me moving forward again.
Name everything.
When I’m stuck and overwhelmed by choices, I stand still and start talking. I talk myself through everything: what I’m frustrated with, where I am and what I’m seeing, what needs immediate attention, what I really would like to be doing, and what needs to be done first.
I mention the time of day, what the kids are doing, whether I need help or just need to make a decision, and include what I have planned for dinner and what chore I’m working on next. And I state how I’m feeling (with no judgement), if I’ve taken my supplements, and when I last ate. Then I assess.
This act of naming my circumstances, mood, and environment helps my brain order what to do next. I can see clearly what the next right thing to do is and I do it. Then the other dominoes fall, one at a time, and I’m moving forward again.
Lay Down.
No really, lay down. Sometimes the answer is rest or stillness.
As a mom, I push my body to provide for everyone else’s needs. This is often at a detriment to my own. So when I can’t keep pushing, I need to succumb.
I am one person providing for the physical, mental, emotional, and philosophical needs of at least 4 people, on a daily basis. I have figured out my “least amount needed” number of hours of sleep for functionality- 6 hours – and I sometimes don’t get it. When that happens, the following day is usually pretty rough.
So when I’m pushing my tired body more than it would like, I stop and listen to it. I lay down. Rest. Take some time to just stop moving. Be a person, not a robot.
The chores can wait. You can be late to whatever is next. The kids can flex their creativity in occupying themselves. You just shut your eyes for a single minute and rest.
There may be nothing happening that needs tending to, but you need to be tended to. So take a moment of stillness and rest. Your body will thank you. And when you get up, you’ll be ready to keep going for you and your family.
Chicken Nuggets
Or any other fast frozen meal that fills you up and keeps you going.
Sometimes the answer to overwhelm is food. A sandwich, some leftovers, a spoonful of peanut butter. Something to get your brain working again and not preoccupied with the uneasy feeling of not having enough nutrients.
My go-to foods are salad-in-a-jar meal prep, roasted veggies, apple slices with nut butter, salami or pepperoni, or soup.
So, while chicken nuggets may not be what I actually eat, what they represent – fast, likable, filling food – still stands. And having the decision already made for what you like to eat, really can help you when you’re in a state or overwhelm and needing food.
Close Tabs
I usually have somewhere between 20-70 tabs open in my phone’s browser. I can only read one article at a time, yet I rarely have just one window open.
Our brains operate similarly. As women, our brains keep thinking about things until they’ve been dealt with. We literally keep tabs on everything going on until it has had closure.
We get used to “multi-tasking” but what were really doing is switching between all the open tabs very quickly to keep things moving. But sometimes we get overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks to do.
Similar to the “snowball effect” to get out of debt, I snowball my mental effort to get out of overwhelm.
I start by closing the tab that requires the least amount of effort. Usually that means whatever is in front of me right this second. This could mean there’s a diaper that needs changing, a mess that needs to be cleaned quickly (like sprinkles on the floor), or simply that I need to drink some water and have been ignoring that need for an hour.
Start closing tabs. Deal with the small ones first.
Drink the water. Change the baby. Sweep the sprinkles. Breathe. What’s next?
Slightly bigger tasks: Load the dishwasher. Switch the laundry. Clear the counter. Now what?
Bigger to-dos: Make the appointment. Pay the bills. Declutter the landing zone. Anything else?
Big stuff: File your taxes! Start that business! Homeschool your children! You’ve got this!
After each tab closes, you mentally expand your capacity. When you’re maxed out, start closing tabs, smallest to largest. It’s amazing what momentum can accomplish.
Pray
There’s always an answer in prayer. I like to pray out loud, so I know I’ve actually articulated the thought and not just had a fleeting moment with half-formed ideas to tell God.
Here’s my prayer for us on those overwhelming and anxious days:
Dear God,
You made me and know me. You know what it is like to be human and how much we need You. Be with me as I order my thoughts, and submit my ways and know you have my best interest at heart. Help me to listen to your leading, even if it doesn’t make sense to me right now – I know you know better than I do. I pray for strength and wisdom to take care of myself and my family. Give me rest in my spirit through submitting to You and what You have for me.
I give You the rest of today – I don’t want to control it! Fill me with your Spirit that I can pour it out onto my children, my home, and my spouse.
I love you, God.
In Jesus name, amen.
Conclusion
No one is perfect. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. Trouble-shooting self-talk, rest, nourishment, finishing small tasks first, and last on the list, but hopefully first in practice, pray. They all help our brains order our next moves. Each overwhelming moment that we can move through gets us closer to who we want to be: intentional problem-solvers, walking in God’s grace, who keep our heads more often than we losing them.
The next time you’re overwhelmed, try one or all of these techniques. Then come back let me know how it helped you move forward!