“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”
Matthew 10:16 NKJV
“Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:5-7 NKJV
I can’t watch TV. Or movies. Or read books. Or be sarcastic. At least, not in a way that comes close to reality.
I am too sensitive.
When I watch a “good drama” I internalize it and my brain tries to figure out how that storyline fits into my real life.
I lose sleep or have nightmares when I see anything sinister in a way that could be real.
I literally cannot handle the drama.
So while friends and extended family members look forward to the latest season of murder mysteries, listen to millennials favorite podcast genre: true-crime, or laze through murdered-while-eating-muffins books, I just can’t.
I don’t want the drama or the heart palpitations.
My children are sensitive souls as well. And while I was raised on Disney movies, my children are afraid of any antagonist – including the chickens who take the mouse’s corn in the original cartoon Cinderella. They don’t even get to see that Lucifer is a far worse antagonist, but as far as movies go this is a very low bar to get over for content. They were screaming in terror for me to turn off the movie during aforementioned chicken scene.
But it doesn’t matter. They get scared and would rather watch something else where everyone is happy and nothing bad happens. Like on Blippi, or chocolate ASMR videos. I am not about to force their boundaries to accept more range of content: they are children in their childhoods. I am not going to rush them through this part of their lives.
I know how sensitive I am, but I sometimes forget. So I watch a show. And then internalize the main character. Then I work really hard to take every thought captive and filter out what is true and what is fiction to get back to myself.
Depending on how much I watch it could take me a single night or up to multiple weeks to get over the character traits that my brain has tried to associate with. So I am alright with not partaking for the sake of my sensitive brain. For peaceful sleep, too.
What I’m realizing is that God doesn’t want me to keep subjecting myself to these forms of entertainment. I don’t want to attach myself to characters who are not wholesome and living for God’s purposes. I am not a late night drama. My life isn’t dark and sinister. It isn’t even “chickens eating grain from the mice” level of drama.
Honestly, my life is more like a hallmark movie without moving to a big city to get away from the small town. I stayed in the all town. I still would get to be blundering about, learning new skills, and falling in love that is predictable in those movies, but then the movie would move on to the wedding and having kids and living marridly-ever-after part! My life is less spicy than a hallmark movie – and I love it!
I love my simple life where I cannot handle content that isn’t even required to be labeled as sensitive. Because I am more sensitive than any content rating.
While it is a fact that my children have zero movies they can watch on their own, I’m ok with that. They’re sensitive and innocent and that only happens once.
It is an immense privilege and responsibility to get to “guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I will continue to keep them from seeing too much, too young. I do not take that lightly.
I don’t take it lightly for myself, either.