When I was younger, I thought that once you became an adult you didn’t change. It was based on nothing, but I assumed it was true.
If you decided to be a stay-at-home parent, you would never go get a job outside your home.
If you registered as a particular political party, you wouldn’t even change that affiliation.
If you were confident, an extrovert, well traveled, or adventurous; or if you were shy, introverted, a homebody, or played it safe, I thought you would stay the same into adulthood and throughout your entire life.
I even thought you would find a hairstyle by the time you were 30, and that was your signature look forever. (Maybe that one is kind of true.)
What I never took into account was that people change.
“The only constant in life is change.”
-Heraclitus
When I was a kid, it seemed like people in their 30’s knew what they were doing. “Thirty, flirty, and thriving” was pretty much how I thought of them. Confident, self-assured, they have their life together. Minimal debt, a big house, and, of course, their kids listen and obey and adore their parents. Their roots are deep, they have a group of 6 friends who constantly see each other, their kids can run freely on their big green lawn while they have multiple barbecues in summer, and snowball fights and sledding in winter.
But now, being in my 30’s I don’t feel so settled or confident. Instead of being “flirty and thriving” I often feel kind of “frowsy and surviving.”
Maybe that’s a little harsh.
I have confidence in myself, but I’m not an extrovert. I have some close friends, but we live too far apart to see each other all the time. Our debt is getting smaller, which is wonderful, but inflation makes it so hard to get ahead on regular spending.
We live in our first house that we ever bought, and while I love it, we have expanded our family exponentially since moving in and it can feel tight at times.
Even though I’ve lived in the same town nearly my entire life, my roots are within my house, in my own family, and they would come with us if we ever were to leave.
Since I’m no longer a kid, very much into my 30’s, and the rose colored glasses have faded to reality a bit, I know that things don’t just fall into place just because of getting older.
But here are some things that God is working on within me.
My heart toward raising children
I have kids. Three of them. And while society would tell me I need/deserve a break from them, I don’t. Because raising children isn’t just my day job: it’s my heart-focus and my purpose during this stage of life.
Do I sometimes need time by myself? Yes. I absolutely do. And one day I will consistently get it. But my children are young enough that they don’t need a break from me either.
I think we would both be filled by spending intentional time together each morning and afternoon. I know my kids crave my attention. And as much as I wish for my autonomy, I know this season is short. Already my oldest tells me that I can leave her to fall asleep. My middle girly is learning to write. My baby looks like a full grown man – ok, maybe not full grown, but he is definitely a kid now and not a toddling baby, anymore!
This season is short, when I look at it with God’s perspective. I can either endure or enjoy this season – though there will likely be a good mix of both. I am hoping for enjoying our everyday and enduring the extenuating circumstances when they come.
My Mindset about homeschooling
I’m three years into homeschooling and this year has been our most consistent yet. Possibly because there are no little babies needing multiple naps. Maybe from having 2/3 of my children in formal lessons. Or maybe be ages I’ve stopped trying to make everything be focused on fun learning and instead just let learning be enough.
I was tempted around new years to change things up, reinvent the wheel, or add in a few more subjects. But then I paused: if what I have been doing has been working, I’m going to just keep going.